Writing in hot weather

My advice? Don’t. Or find an air-conditioned library. Wear ice packs. Wait until it’s cooler. You may also want to bear in mind these other tips, some of which may not work in a public space…

  • Put a wet tea towel over your head. Then take care not to touch exposed mains wires;
  • Drink tea. Plenty of it. Always, always, plenty of tea. Not drinking tea – whatever the weather – is a sign that, well, something isn’t quite right;#
One of the Thunderbirds, melting
  • Don’t keep going on about how hot it is. Don’t keeping flicking to the latest temperatures, as reported on your new favourite meteorological website. If it’s hot, it’s hot. We know; we can feel it. We don’t need updates from that weather station in Surrey;
  • Dig a hole, somewhere in the shade and sit in it;
  • Star jumps. Do star jumps. That’ll do it. You will need a star jump partner to mirror your movements a pen’s length away;
  • Invest in a waterproof laptop and an indoor hosepipe/sprinkle system;
Still from The Day the Earth Caught Fire, 1961
  • Discard all clothing and go ‘au natural.’ There are two benefits here – one is that you keep cooler, and one is that, every now and again, you’ll catch sight on your fading, liver sausage blotched torso and be reminded of your mortality;
  • Turn the ruddy heating OFF. Power down all small electricals, wrap them in blankets and shove them in the freezer;
  • Move to a colder environment; like a river or igloo;
  • Write about heat. There are some tips here; some better than others.

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